Horse Group Ride Rules

Written by Janice McDonald:

Someone on our huge ride this weekend came and handed out trail rules which they had written. So I wrote a sarcastic humorous response.

Some of it is a private joke for people around here but i bet you can read between the lines.

Captain Cowgirl’s Trail Rules

1. Do not get so drunk you have to yell at everybody in camp and then go home.

2. If your horse bites, put crime scene tape around her so people will stay away.

3. Do not expect for any rides to leave on time. In fact, don’t even saddle up until at least a hundred people are all mounted on horses standing around waiting for you.

4. Wear a costume of some kind so you will have a real image.

5. If you serve coffee with hay in it you aren’t doing anybody any real favors.

6. If your horse follows too close and it gets kicked its your own fault.

7. If your horse kicks the horse behind you its your own fault.

8. If your horse doesn’t act bad and embarrass you now and then its not normal.

9. If you expect your horse to be perfect you need one of those horses in front of walmart.

10. Leave the seat up in the portolet if you are one of those people who perch a foot above the hole and spray a three foot radius.

11. If your tie line is only an inch above the ground your horse is gonna end up having to be cut out of it by morning.

12. If your horse gets tangled in the tie line, just cut it out, don’t stand there screeching like an idiot.

13. Offer pitiful looking people food or coffee.

14. Act pitiful if you don’t have any food or coffee.

15. Don’t flirt with anybody's husband.

16. Don’t ride into camp without making sure someone isn’t in a sleeping bag.

17. If your dog beats up another dog apologize and be nice.

18. If another dog beats up your dog, put it in your camper or truck in the shade.

19. If you smell a skunk don’t say anything, it is probably you.

20. When someone flips out it helps to remember they are either drunk, forgot their meds, or have taken too many meds.

21. Don’t curse in front of children.

22. Don’t hire any trainers that screech and hit horses in the face with whips.

And REMEMBER. Don’t ever clean house or wash dishes or clean out your
car or do any chores at all if you can go riding instead!!

Janice McDonald